Finneren av Måten, Mysteriet av Algoritmeen - The Finder of the Way, the Mystery of the Algorithmnamaste to you who tread in this new place
such a wonderful gift we are given, a new haven and a new start
as such I will continue my work here as I have before
a basic thing first, I must say a few things
I am a student of these things that I endeavor to understand, no master
one day, I hope to obtain wisdom as a result of my Path
the journey has encompassed much of my life, but I have many years ahead of me
so long as Wolf and Spirit will it so, I will continue
a bit of who I am and how this began for me:
I am 32 years of age and 4th generation in the US descended from an old family from Norway
I come from Sami roots, old ways that have not died
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sami_peoplethough we have long been silent of the truths we learned long ago
because, like many, we were forced to convert at least outwardly to the onslaught of the Christian faith
my grandmother, who now rests in the Ether, taught me much in her life
recounting tales from the old times, and secrets that have been kept in the oral tradition
through her teaching, and through the intervention of Spirit in 2007, I have come to follow this Path with diligence
I walk with Ulv - Wolf.....I salute the Elements in whole, though I am best suited to Wind and Water
and now, very recently, I have been shown yet another facet of our ways
and this is as a Finneren av Måten - The Finder of the Way
as such, it is hard for me to "define" my Path
it is somewhat akin to Shamanism, though it differs
I am well learned in the Elements, but I do not work Hermetic magicks
I am capable of using a form of Hedge Magick...straight from the emotions
and I am learning now of the Way to open the corridors Between
I have walked the Sphere of Spirit, and I have learned much in this short time
but, in the end, I am simply a human doing what I feel is correct in my walk through life
I write about these things because it is my hope that some may come and read it, take from it something that they can bring into themselves, and use this to find their Way
If my words touch but one person for the better, then I have done with these things a measure of good. This is all I could ask for.
My story begins in my youth
from the time that I can first remember I have always been...different
I recall, when I was two years of age, standing on a gravel road watching the Sun set
and I knew, in my bones, that I had purpose
in the years that followed I was quite different from my peers
while they played at sports and lived life as do most people
I was drawn to read, voraciously, on subject beyond my years
Spirits, ancient cultures, symbols, the odd and the unique..these were my areas on interest
I could see things that others could not, and I could feel things that others could not
also though, I was able to understand concepts of science and logic beyond my years
I was initially indoctrinated in the Lutheran faith by my parents, but I asked too many hard questions and at age 7 I was asked to not return to the church
I was given a slide ruler and told that was more my "speed"
I had my first vision dream at age 9, right after my parents split in a very messy dispute
I was standing in a grove of trees in Minnesota, and a man came through the trees
he had firey red hair, and was dressed in garb that was not like conventional clothing
he smiled at me in greeting, and I was not afraid
there was a flash of light, and I "woke" from the vision
and standing where the man stood was a beautiful Timber Wolf
I looked into eyes that were blue, like my own, and I felt not the intelligence of an animal in them
but Wisdom and Strength beyond anything I had thus far encountered
I saw the Wolf many times afterwards, but I did not understand the meaning
I told my mother of what I saw, and she seemed very ill at ease
she told me that the next time I returned to visit my Father I should tell him
but more importantly, I should speak to my Grandmother
my Father was very upset by what I told him I had seen, and told me to forget what had happened
but my Grandmother, she listened
and when I finished, she began to tell me of our family and of Ulv, our brother and guide
for the next several years she would relay bits at a time
she helped me to understand who I descend from, and why my Father feared it so much
He had been called in his youth too, he was meant to be my teacher, but he turned from the Path because he could not lose Fear
eventually, in my later teen years I made my first attempts to embrace my practice
but I was not successful because I knew only rage
I had been deeply hurt by several events, and rage was the only thing I could truly feel
as such, I delved into dark ways...and I learned fast that I could wield my rage to cause harm
and this I did, many times
eventually, a book came to me...it was Black bound, and cold to the touch
in it were instructions to summon beings from the Ether
when I attempted this I was successful, but what came to me was Unmaker
a being, an Unseen, that is bent on consuming and destroying
it disguised itself as the being I was attempting to summon
and it offered me a deal - allow co-habitation within my flesh in exchange for knowledge and power
I, in my rage and spite, accepted this
I was 18 years old
for the next 4 years I do not remember much, only spots
and much pain
the next solid memory I have is of standing in a place that has since become very precious to me
in the countryside
I was vomiting a black substance, and I was shaking...it was twilight
and standing a short distance from me was a creature
it was shorter than me, pallid skin, burning black eyes, three long fingers on each hand ending in wicked claws, and a maw of needle teeth
it ran at me and leapt up, digging its claws into my flesh underneath my arms
I pushed it away, and it tore huge gashes in my body
I had a knife in my hand, and I drove it into this things head at the area of the Third Eye
and it discorporated into a foul puddle
I wrapped my shirt around my body to stem the bleeding, and managed to walk home
I slept for three days
when I awoke, the gashed had healed somewhat - I have always healed quickly, but I still retain wicked scars as a reminder of the event
I made a conscious choice to turn away from all practice at that time, I was 22
my first son was on the way and I feared for his safety
also, too, I started to remember what I had done in the previous 4 years
and I will tell you only that the scars underneath my arms are nothing to the scars those memories leave me
6 years passed like a whirlwind for me as I turned away from the feelings and intuitions I would have
I ended up leaving ID and eventually ended up in WI and then IL, with a failed marriage behind me, a daughter born with a new wife who was absolute poison to me, and a life of abject misery aside from the love I held onto for my children
My Grandfather and my grandmother passed on in that time
I did not get to say goodbye
I attempted over the years to understand and rationalize what had happened to me
but there is no "rational" explanation for the things I had seen, done, and experienced
eventually, in 2007 I became ill
but this was different than any illness I had ever weathered
I could not swallow, I felt as though there was a lump in the back of my throat
I would wake in cold sweat from dreams of Blue Eyes
My head felt like it would explode, there was terrible pressure at my Third Eye
things worsened no matter what I did
until, one day, on my way to work I decided I had to find out what was wrong
I went to a hospital and checked myself into the emergency room
I promptly blacked out
When I came to, I was in a different hospital across town
they had taken me there via ambulance, and apparently for a period of nearly 40 minutes I had no pulse, no breathing, nothing
they thought I had died
when i awoke they began to ask me odd questions
they had taken my blood and it was changing in ways it could not outside of my body
it would give high blood sugar readings, then no blood sugar at all, then high red blood cell count, then high white blood cell count
so too, my blood pressure was anomalous....jumping, dropping
they did not know what to think, and they wanted me to stay for testing
but I refused, because finally I recalled what my Grandmother had told me of the Spirit Sickness
SIbhyong is not well documented in the Western world, but it is well known in indigenous tribes throughout other parts of the world
it is the Spirit Sickness, the illness that befalls one who walks the Spirit world when they are called to do so
if they refuse, if they do not Walk Between, the sickness worsens and eventually their bodies give out and their Spirit is pulled into the Ether
faced with this, I decided that my only choice was to make the attempt
and so, I began taking heavy amounts of entheogenic toxins that evening
these are substances that interact with the Spirit and at high enough concentration will ease the Way
I ingested enough to either push me through, or end it
I fell into a deep sleep like state, though still very much aware
I could see nothing, only blackness
and then, in the distance and growing was a light
that eventually I could see was a huge, semi translucent glowing crystalline structure
I moved towards it, and it was massive..shimmering in the blackness
it had facets, and in each facet there were images moving
I could see people, places, events, births, deaths, animals, plants, forests
Life
and circling the crystal structure was a stream of blue glowing symbols
The Algorithm! I had theorized about it years before, but this was the living, breathing thing!
then, as quickly as I had moved towards it, I was being pulled away, gently
and as I moved back, I could see what looked like giant hands, cupping the structure
the fingers closed, and the light shown between the fingers, much like if you hold your hand over a light
and then, I heard a voice....barely above an excited whisper....it sounded like a child
it said "isn't it beautiful! Isn't it precious! Do they know? Do they see how beautiful it is?"
even now this memory brings tears of humility and joy to my eyes, my friends
for this was Spirit, there was no mistaking it
I was pulled into a different place, and I was surrounded by small forms
they began to speak to me, to tell me of things
they wanted to know why I had taken so long, why had I not come sooner?
they told me of the Spheres, three of them, that comprise all thing and that are governed, created, and bound together by the Algorithm
this is what I saw:
The Spheres of the Multiverse, and the Veils between them that both guard the Way and provide the connection between all three
they removed my Spirit to a place where I could see my body
and they said they would remake me if I wished, as my physical form was inefficient
but I asked them to leave me as is, for I am somewhat attached to who I am in the Physical
they found this amusing, but honored my wish and made only small changes
they put what looked like a liquid metal on my bones, specifically my spine
and bathed my body in different colors of light
they told me I must return to the Physical, but that now the Way would be open
I would know when it is time to return, for I would feel the SIbhyong when called
then, they stood beside me, and out of the blackness walked Ulv - Wolf
again, I locked eyes with him, and I felt a great sense of compassion as well as urgency
I felt, more than was told, that this was the beginning of my true Path
I had much to learn, and I must do so
for there was a need in the Physical again for those who walk the Way
I awoke from this the next morning and my Sibhyong was gone
I could breathe as normal, I could swallow again
and I knew in my heart that what I had to do was to share what I had seen
for if everyone, even if only for a moment, could feel and see what I was given
what a difference in the world that might make
this is only the beginning of my story thus far, but I have rambled enough for one evening
I do not expect that all will believe my story, and this is fine
for me, I know what I have been through and seen and I do not doubt any longer
I have lost my Fear, and I have walked my Path
and I will continue to do so until such a time as I am pulled from the Physical to rest in the Ether alongside my ancestors
but I will give to all of you a thing that I have been given in the simplest way that I can
know this my friends, you are SEEN and KNOWN and LOVED
always, and each of us
adumbrae et lumis otium - peace to you in shadows and light