FleurDeLis
Admin
Posts: 481
Join date: 2011-09-14
Location: Texas
 |  Subject: Re: Emapthy - When you can't prove what you know...  Sat Oct 29, 2011 9:03 pm | |
| | aislinn wrote: | | FleurDeLis wrote: |
I have yet to find a way to deal with this, it'd driving me nuts more often than enough. Maybe it's not empathy, but in one way or another I'm getting information beyond the obvious. Sometimes that information is helpful to give good advice or insight into a situation, other times getting the info equals hitting a brick wall. Classic example, my hub: If we are bickering or something is up, he rarely speaks his mind...but I know, and I re-act to it; I can't help it. Than he says"...but I did not do anything". Well, he didn't not do anything, at least not in the conventional way... Now what? I can't prove to him what I know. So I respond, "You are right, you did not do anything", and move on. It's frustrating...
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it is difficult to deal with - espeically with people that are close to you (or that you are in close relationships with) and who don't accept the reality of "knowing."
that's what I call it..."knowing" and it works in so many different ways, from knowing how someone is really feeling (or actually thinking) despite their repeated assurances that they are "fine" or that they aren't thinking a certain thing to being able to "know" what someone's intentions are, even before they voice their proposition. It can definitely be disturbing.
But the most important tool I have found with this - is patience.
Yeah, I know, probably not what you wanted to hear. But holding your tongue instead of reacting to your knowing will allow you to guage your approach, to figure a way to deal with the issue (or concern) without putting them on the defensive by (in their view) "guessing" the truth.
Some may consider this to be a form of manipulation, but I can't see it that way. You are not trying to change anything, simply deal with the issue, address the issue or concern (how they really feel) without starting WWIII. |
Although I wouldn't call it patience in my case, I have come to refrain from speaking my mind if they are not ready to know about my "knowing" (I tend to call it that too  ) ... but I look at them, and it appears that they can sense my knowing in my eyes as I look straight into theirs. That tends to be enough for me to feel OK about it.
It's tough to live with that sometimes, but I guess I found some coping mechanisms . |
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